The News Courier in Athens, Alabama

Budd McLaughlin

May 10, 2012

Cracking down on TNT in the BVDs

— Kudos to U.S. intelligence officials this week after they reportedly foiled a terror threat to a plane bound for the U.S.

The explosive device, which apparently slipped past a security checkpoint, is currently being studied by officials with the Federal Bureau of Investigation. Early reports, however, said it was yet another “underwear bombing” attempt.

In case you’ve forgotten, a Nigerian Islamist by the name of Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab (say that 10 times really fast) tried to detonate a bomb in his underwear on Christmas Day 2009. For his troubles, he was detained by authorities and treated for serious burns to his hands, inner thigh and genitalia.

There’s nothing funny about extremists who want to kill Americans, but extremists who burn up their privates in a failed attempt is actually pretty humorous.

I would have enjoyed being a fly on the wall when these underwear bomb schemes were hatched by operatives in al-Qaida. First of all, who really thinks about hiding a bomb in their underwear? Secondly, wouldn’t something about such a device cause the bomber to walk funny?

Perhaps, in the training process, prospective underwear bombers practiced walking around with a bomb in their underwear.

“OK, try walking normally. Now, once more with a feeling. When you hit your mark, sachet and turn. Very good. Next!”

Before they could practice, however, someone had to be chosen to carry the TNT in his BVDs. Who drew the short straw for that?

If I were a terrorist, and let me explain that I’ve never terrorized anything but mosquitoes, fleas and flies, there’s no way I’d willingly set fire to my privates, no matter how great the cause might be. If I drew the short straw, I’d either negotiate a trade with one of my fellow terrorists (“See? My straw is longer than yours!”) or I’d be sneaking away from the terror encampment in the dead of night.

Text Only
Budd McLaughlin
Photos


Poll

Do you believe America will ever make another manned flight to the moon or another planet?

Yes
No
     View Results
Facebook
AP Video
Raw: Israel Bombs Multiple Targets in Gaza Veteran Creates Job During High Unemployment Raw: Cargo Craft Undocks From Space Station Widow: Jury Sent Big Tobacco a $23B Message New Orleans Plans to Recycle Cigarette Butts UN Security Council Calls for MH 17 Crash Probe Obama Bestows Medal of Honor on NH Veteran Texas Sending National Guard Troops to Border Hopkins to Pay $190M After Pelvic Exams Taped Foxx Cites Washington 'Circus Mirror' NASA Ceremony Honors Moon Walker Neil Armstrong Obama Voices Concern About Casualties in Mideast Diplomacy Intensifies Amid Mounting Gaza Toll AP Exclusive: American Beaten in Israel Speaks Obama Protects Gay, Transgender Workers Raw: Gaza Rescuers Search Rubble for Survivors Raw: International Team Inspects MH17 Bodies Raw: 25 Family Members Killed in Gaza Airstrike US Teen Beaten in Mideast Talks About Ordeal 'Weird Al' Is Wowed by Album's Success
Twitter Updates
Hyperlocal Search
Premier Guide
Find a business

Walking Fingers
Maps, Menus, Store hours, Coupons, and more...
Premier Guide
Stocks
Parade
Magazine

Click HERE to read all your Parade favorites including Hollywood Wire, Celebrity interviews and photo galleries, Food recipes and cooking tips, Games and lots more.
Business Marquee