That Chinese prime minister Wen Jiabao — the one who is demanding sunshine for theBeijing Olympics — should give Dr. Phil a call. Apparently, he is suffering from a teensy obsessive-compulsive disorder.

Too many people in the country? Control reproductive choices.

Too many opinions? Stifle free speech (including punishing anyone who says maybe China shouldn’t oughta grant a permit to that Meat of Suspicious Origins vendor who wants to set up a cart outside the Olympic stadium).

Concerned about Westernization? Flog anyone who says Chinese Idols don’t sing Aerosmith songs every bit as good as Kelly Pickler, and jail any child who shows up at school wearing one of those trendy, synthetic Hannah Montana wigs.

Too much rain? Flip an obscene gesture at Mother Nature and tell her you’ll be in charge of the weather from here on out, thank you.

Can you say “God complex?” Or maybe somebody’s been sniffing too much lead paint. Dr. Phil overlooked his meal ticket when he went after Britney: Here’s an entire country that needs an intervention. He’d have material for decades of shows and wouldn’t need Oprah to carry him anymore.

Seems the Chinese government, worried that the yellowish haze of pollution hanging over Beijing could turn off tourists during this summer’s Olympic games, has asked its Weather Modification Office to create cleansing rains.

Then, the WMO will be in charge of turning tourists’ frowns upside down by ensuring sunshine during the games.

And scientists say greenhouse gases cause global warming.

Hasn’t Jiabao ever seen that old margarine commercial and learned it’s not nice to fool with Mother Nature? (Or something like that)

Here in the South, we had endless days of sun during last summer’s drought and all we got in return was acres of dried-up corn, lakes you could drive four-wheelers across and water wars with neighboring states. True, I did notice fewer mosquitoes, but does having to buy less calamine lotion justify messin’ with things that ought not be messed with?

A country that can’t build a toy that doesn’t make kids pass out has no business making the weather.

I can’t imagine anything more disastrous, unless it’s United Airlines bright idea to outsource maintenance of its airplanes to China.

I can picture that meeting:

United Airlines Flunky: “But, Bob, didn’t China make those toy airplanes that turned out to be a choking hazard?”