Published March 08, 2009 11:03 am - Take the grocery store clerk in Fullerton, Calif., who noticed a man who was trying to make off with a 36-pack of beer. The brave clerk was not one to let innocent brew get beernapped. Who knew if this thief would properly care for the beer? Who knew when the grocery would ever see it again?
It seemed like the perfect time for an Amber Bock Alert.
Quick! Put out an Amber Bock Alert!
OK, class, last week we learned about people who remain optimistic in the face of tough challenges.
You know: When the going gets psychotic, the psychotic get going. That type thing.
This week, we’ll learn about those who handle dire straits a little differently, or, as I like to put it: “Seriously whacked out times call for seriously whacked out measures.”
To some, the people described below are heroes, people who won’t let anything — not crooks, not oncoming cars, not the sense God gave a thumbtack — stand in their way.
To others, these people are just, well, a few peanuts shy of a recall.
Take the grocery store clerk in Fullerton, Calif., who noticed a man who was trying to make off with a 36-pack of beer. The brave clerk was not one to let innocent brew get beernapped. Who knew if this thief would properly care for the beer? Who knew when the grocery would ever see it again?
It seemed like the perfect time for an Amber Bock Alert.
Instead, the clerk raced after the man and did what any responsible beer lover would do — jumped on the hood of the getaway car and hung on for four blocks despite the fact that the thief kept speeding up and then hitting his brakes in an attempt to knock the man off. Finally, the tired thief stopped the car.
The clerk then retrieved the beer but left the thief, who drove off, for police to find.
Like I always say, “A beer in the hand is worth two in the crook.” Or something like that.
Next we have Latreasa Goodman of Florida, who last week saw an injustice and did what we’ve all been taught to do — called the police.
The problem was McDonald’s was out of Chicken McNuggets. Look, y’all, don’t judge. I know those things are more cardboard than chicken and sometimes there are mysterious little gray bits inside them.
But Latreasa wanted some and, in fact, had already paid. When she was told the restaurant was out of McNuggets, Latreasa did what any sane-minded woman would do and asked for her money back. The clerk said that particular McDonald’s had a no-refund policy and Latreasa would just have to accept a Big Mac or McRib or something.
Say what?
Latreasa didn’t want any McRib.