So, Thannon will be 16 in three months and her mother — who by the way is very attractive and intelligent — has been thinking of ways to keep Thannon from hitting other cars and other cars from hitting her.

To ensure Thannon’s safety on the road, her mother — did I mention she also is stylish? — is considering the following steps:

• Purchasing her grandmother’s 1985 Buick with only 15,000 miles on it. You can’t get that kind of full metal jacket in a Hummer;

• Hiding the Disco Gold CD with “YMCA” on it;

• Ordering a specially made decal that says: Proud Daughter of an Uninsured, Unemployed Mother Who, Even If You Sue Her, Could Not Give You One Red Cent.

Other than that, Thannon likely will be coated in layers of bubble wrap whenever she leaves the house and have a curfew of, say, 8 p.m.

Or maybe it’s time to just move to Jupiter.