What I am about to say is likely to start one of those stay-at-home vs. working-mom wars, but just let me say this: tough.

Now don’t get your pedal pushers in a knot. I admire stay-at-home moms. Some of my best friends are stay-at-home moms.

I think kids were born to make our lives miserable no matter what kind of moms we are. The 2-day-olds in the hospital nursery — you know, the experienced ones —are whispering to the ones the nurses just brought in, “Psst. Hey, kid, here’s the poop. When you get home, you start crying, see? They won’t know why. They’ll try the diaper, but you don’t stop. They’ll try the bottle, but you don’t stop. They’ll try rocking, but you don’t stop. When they try the diaper again, stop, but only for a few minutes. Then start again but only ’til they try the bottle. Then, you should poop just for the heck of it. Try to make it a greenish color. It makes them all anxious. See how it works?”

It’s just how it is with kids.

So there’s no need for us moms to be divisive.

The problem I have is that each Mother’s Day, “researchers” trot out this tired old survey about how many gazillions of dollars stay-at-home moms would be making if only they received a paycheck for their efforts. And, of course, we all know they’d be deserving.

They have jobs, too. They work, too — they chose keeping a home over working “outside” the home.

But the “researchers,” by which I mean graying men in little white coats who live in their mother’s basements, have never met a woman who works outside the home and thus seem to have overlooked one tiny little detail: those of us who work outside the home still also must work INSIDE THE HOME.

I don’t know about you, but I have never once arrived home from work to find a stealth stay-at-home mom with time on her hands has sneaked in during the day and done my laundry, vacuumed my floor, put away my dishes and cleaned the cat vomit from my carpet.

And strangely enough, even though the school system does by-and-large care for my child during the day, I still have to raise her at night and on weekends.

As a single mom, the only thing I am missing is a man in the house, and I think taking a huzzband to raise really should add to our paychecks because then we have to use our womanly wiles to make them think taking our the trash it their idea.

“Sweetums, have you been working out? Let me see hose biceps. While you’re holding up that trashcan, could you just put it out by the curb? Thanks, Stud Muffin.”

So I’m not trying to start a fight. All I’m sayin’ is, if we’re adding up paychecks for the work moms do around the house, I want in on that action.

All moms are deserving of a little extra pay this time of year.

There’s no need to fight about it — as long as you stay-at-home moms don’t do your grocery shopping for a family of six while I’m trying to buy my Lean Cuisine during my lunch hour.