People expect too much of poor Brad and Angie

By Kelly Kazek
kelly@athensnews-courier.com

July 16, 2008 09:22 pm

— Y’all, it has been such a stressful week!
I have felt so overwhelmed, what with the news of the birth of Brangelina’s twins and trying to figure out just how — how??!! — Brad and Angie are going to handle two new babies in the house along with the four kids they already have.
Each day, I switched the TV from channel to channel — from TV Guide to E! to CNN (Celebrity News Network) — to be sure I had all the angles covered because Lord knows, poor Brad and Angie are going to need our help.
It’s not their fault. The World’s Prettiest Power Couple can’t be expected to know what to do all on their own. The theory is, having the whitest teeth on the planet and a million gabillion dollars does not make one an expert in parenting, though very few people have been able to test that.
Fortunately, the networks interviewed dozens of experts on parenting, twins and pop culture, which saved the couple a bundle in fees.
On Sunday, the day after they became the Brangie Bunch, I listened as experts discussed how much the first published photos of the twins will be worth. When Angie gave birth to Shiloh two years ago, her pics went for $11 million. Thankfully, someone was there to figure the going rate for the twins by tallying inflation and taking into consideration the fact that readers will get to see not one but two babies produced by the pretty people. Can you imagine the stress if they had to decide for themselves how much their babies were worth?
By Monday, experts put the rate as high as $21 million and I was thinking, “Good. That should help Brad and Angie pay for decorating the nursery.” But, no, I soon learned that the couple will donate the money to charity. I guess that’s for the best, although I hope it won’t mean those adorable babies have to do without a red-carpet-and-sequin-themed room or something.
Then, on Wednesday, the conversations shifted to discussions of a nanny. Angie and Brad, brave souls, have raised their first four kids all by themselves (probably so Brad could say, “Look, Ma, no help!”) but the arrival of twins is no time to be a martyr. So when I heard Brangelina was looking for a nanny, specifically a “Mary Poppins type,” I got my resumé right in the mail.
No one ever said I’m not a giver.
By Thursday, I was exhausted. I was so relieved Christy Brinkley had settled her divorce case because I couldn’t take much more stress.
I’m ignoring the whole Madonna-A-Rod thing because, face it, no one needs to be giving Madonna advice on handling sex scandals.
Now, if celebrities will behave themselves, I’ll have a nice relaxing weekend. I can go back to figuring out how I’ll pay for gas to get to work this week.
Maybe I can tell a coworker my car broke down and get a ride on Monday, then pour in a gallon or two from the container I use for the lawnmower on Tuesday. If I can make it until Thursday, I can coast until payday.
At least I don’t have real pressures.
Poor Brad and Angie.

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