Sun, Nov 22 2009
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Published August 14, 2009 05:28 pm - We in the South cannot hold a proper funeral without at least half a dozen pecan pies, a couple of sweet tater casseroles, some nanner pudding, 10 or so congealed salads with canned fruit suspended in them, two peach cobblers and an eight-layer chocolate-strawberry trifle. It just wouldn’t be fittin.’ First chocolate, now sugar? It'll be South's downfall By Kelly Kazek kelly@athensnews-courier.com Come on over, y’all, and give me some sugar.
Not THAT kind. What are y’all, warped or something? I’m talking about real sugar, the kind that comes from sugar cane and beets. I need some extra because — you’re not going to believe this — confectioners are predicting a sugar shortage. First, I hear the chocolate supply may drop by 30 percent. Now this? I’m not sure how much my heart can take and if the government starts running health care, I’m betting “heart stopped by sugar shortage” does not count as a valid doctor’s excuse. My main concern is not for myself, you understand. I’m worried about all of humankind, but specifically Southerners. We Southerners just cannot do without our sugar. Who do you think created MoonPies and GooGoo Clusters? Where do you think Coca-Cola was invented? And without sweet iced tea, we’d all languish and die of thirst. Bodies would litter verandas across the South, where we breathed our last honeysuckle-scented breaths. Sorry about that — I went a little “Gone with the Wind” there for a minute. I’m back. Since I first had solid food spooned into my mouth, I cannot remember eating a meal without dessert. It made me what I am today – 30 pounds overweight. But some things in life are worth it. 
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