Sun, Nov 22 2009
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Published September 26, 2009 08:23 pm - I know this kind of column makes my friends nervous (“What guy is gonna want to date her now?”) but I tell them not to worry: As a general rule, boneheads don’t know they’re boneheads and, thus, won’t know this column is about them. Emu to officer: 'Don't tase me, bro' By Kelly Kazek kelly@athensnews-courier.com Y’all know I try hard not to judge.
Really I do. The problem with this lofty goal is that guys keep throwing up roadblocks. Men are boneheads, and as a not so highly paid journalist, I feel I must call them on it. OK, sorry, that was a blanket statement. Let’s try this: Men are boneheads when they come across a new toy, by which I mean anything that plugs in, uses batteries, has a remote, makes really cool zapping sounds, or is really, really shiny. And if it leaves behind a slight burning smell, well, more’s the better. I know this kind of column makes my friends nervous (“What guy is gonna want to date her now?”) but I tell them not to worry: As a general rule, boneheads don’t know they’re boneheads and, thus, won’t know this column is about them. It’s one of those protective delusion-type things, sort of like how the governor of South Carolina Gov. Mark Sanford tells himself he has a “greater voice” in the government now that the scandal of his Argentinian lover gave him more press. Anyhoo, I always like to back my claims of boneheadedness with evidence. Exhibit One: Police officers Taser a 76-year-old man driving an antique tractor in the Deer Creek Days parade in Wyoming. Here’s how this one likely went down: Goober: “Did you see that, Ed Earl? That geezer on the tractor didn’t even heed my hand signal and he’s doing – what? – three, four miles per hour?” Ed Earl: “What should we do, Goob?” Goober, hitching up his gun belt and heading for the patrol car: “I’m goin’ after him.” Ed Earl: “OK, but I don’t think you’ll need the car.” 
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