Remember those commercials that showed us how our brains on drugs might look — you know, the egg sizzling in a frying pan?

The problem is, some people’s brains were already fried BEFORE using illegal substances.

So they just jumped from the frying pan into the stupid sauce.

This is the type of column you might show your preteen or teen and say, “Could you aim just a little higher? Please?”

Well, maybe “higher” is not the right word. But you know what I mean.

It is the type of column that screams, like the animated pothole in the Geico commercial: “Oh, no-o-o-o! These people got no smarts. They’re all stupid and junk. So-o-o-o … ‘K, ‘bye!”

Here’s a sample headline: “Man calls 911 to report stolen pot.”

Y’all know I’m not talking about a saucepot.

The Gainesville, Fla., man called to report the theft, at gunpoint, of his wacky tobaccy, his Maui wowie, his happy weed.

The 22-year-old told Alachua County deputies that he was robbed at 2:45 a.m. while he was sitting on his couch, listening to music, drinking a beer and smoking a joint. He reported two men kicked in his door and hit him on the head with a gun before taking his cash and “his personal smoking weed.”

While a life of sofa-sitting and rocking out may seem fun, even exotic, to your teen or preteen, emphasize the part about the guy ending up covered in stupid sauce -- and behind bars.

This, tell them, is a half-baked brain on mary jane.

And, I don’t mean to alarm you, we have our share of stupeys right here in Alabama.

Last week, a guy in Falkville was merrily weaving along in his pick-‘em-up truck when he was pulled over by officers on suspicion of drink driving.

When officers approached, the driver, unsolicited, stumbled from his truck and yelled “I just stole this truck.”