http://www.enewscourier.com en-us Copyright CNHI All Rights Reserved. 5 Fri, 27 Jun 2008 12:16:00 +0000 http://www.enewscourier.com/columns/local_story_179121543.html http://www.enewscourier.com/columns/local_story_179121543.html My mattress is filled with not just dust mites, but the deceased carcasses of dust mites?!! I’m sleeping on a dust mite graveyard, filled with tiny appendages (bones? limbs?) and pieces of broken-off fangs. Mon, 23 Jun 2008 08:59:00 +0000 http://www.enewscourier.com/columns/local_story_175085908.html http://www.enewscourier.com/columns/local_story_175085908.html You, like me, may be envisioning Patterson stretching the underwear, slingshot-like, between her left forefinger and right thumb, readying it for a shot at the head of her significant other who likely given the wrong answer to “Does this make my butt look big?” Suddenly, the thong goes awry, as thongs are wont to do, and life as she knows it is over. Fri, 13 Jun 2008 10:36:00 +0000 http://www.enewscourier.com/columns/local_story_165103814.html http://www.enewscourier.com/columns/local_story_165103814.html Dad taught Shannon the important things in life —how to blow into cupped fists to make a whistle and, when we went to the beach, which seashells were still being used as condos by tiny sea creatures.Shannon was the only girl in eighth grade who could whistle into her fists. Fri, 06 Jun 2008 18:35:00 +0000 http://www.enewscourier.com/columns/local_story_158183821.html http://www.enewscourier.com/columns/local_story_158183821.html As promised last week, in the interest of fairness and avoiding charges of discrimination, the topic of this week’s report from the Gender Intelligence Research Lab (or GIRL) is why females, on occasion, do things considered by others as being gray-matter challenged. Mon, 02 Jun 2008 11:57:00 +0000 http://www.enewscourier.com/columns/local_story_154115526.html http://www.enewscourier.com/columns/local_story_154115526.html What follows is my latest example of gender differences: A Florida man hired a woman, for $100 per hour according to CNN, to clean his house while his wife was out of town. Fri, 23 May 2008 19:35:00 +0000 http://www.enewscourier.com/columns/local_story_144193443.html http://www.enewscourier.com/columns/local_story_144193443.html Did you know that we are suffering from a lack of dirt?This begs the question: “Where could all this dirt be going?”Outer space? Under a rug? Congress? Fri, 16 May 2008 12:16:00 +0000 http://www.enewscourier.com/columns/local_story_137115844.html http://www.enewscourier.com/columns/local_story_137115844.html On a dare from his closest friends, meaning guys who appreciate his ability to belch the national anthem, the 24-year-old (24!) went into a restricted area of Six Flags Discovery Kingdom and cold-cocked the unsuspecting camel. Fri, 02 May 2008 13:59:00 +0000 http://www.enewscourier.com/columns/local_story_123140421.html http://www.enewscourier.com/columns/local_story_123140421.html Scout was plenty hissed off when he heard some nuts, er, dog lovers came up with National Take Your Dog to Work Day. If that’s not prejudice, I don’t know what is. I’m thinking of suing on Scout’s behalf and trust me, I will play the species card. Fri, 25 Apr 2008 17:20:00 +0000 http://www.enewscourier.com/columns/local_story_116171936.html http://www.enewscourier.com/columns/local_story_116171936.html Green weddings are in vogue. This advice will not be popular here in the South. There are two days in the life of a Southern woman when her hair requires a shellacking with Aqua Net that can withstand hurricane-force winds and a feuding family — her wedding and her funeral. Fri, 18 Apr 2008 16:14:00 +0000 http://www.enewscourier.com/columns/local_story_109161320.html http://www.enewscourier.com/columns/local_story_109161320.html The most realistic fear on the list of phobias is ephebiphobia, or fear of teenagers. Sure, I’ve survived two years with one but I have four to go. Each day it becomes more difficult to breathe without using a paper bag. Sat, 12 Apr 2008 15:20:00 +0000 http://www.enewscourier.com/columns/local_story_103152018.html http://www.enewscourier.com/columns/local_story_103152018.html For all the people out there who don’t know the difference between Hannah Montana, Joe Montana and Joe Mantegna and therefore are at a disadvantage at the water cooler come a Friday morning (“Hannah Montana…isn’t she that quarterback who played in four Super Bowls?”), let me help you out. Fri, 04 Apr 2008 11:50:00 +0000 http://www.enewscourier.com/columns/local_story_095114901.html http://www.enewscourier.com/columns/local_story_095114901.html Be warned, potential Bob Woodwards, once you are assigned your first critter story, you unofficially become the “critter reporter” who covers the critter beat until death. Fri, 28 Mar 2008 20:26:00 +0000 http://www.enewscourier.com/columns/local_story_088202728.html http://www.enewscourier.com/columns/local_story_088202728.html The nightmare began when my daughter Shannon and I stopped to visit Grandmother at her assisted living apartments on our way to the beach. Shannon’s cell phone buttons went on strike to protest 15 months of 20-hour-a-day texting and she wanted to borrow mine. Why? Because, at 14, if you can’t text for a week, your entire life is over. You may as well be living with Great-Grandma in assisted living. Thu, 20 Mar 2008 20:30:00 +0000 http://www.enewscourier.com/columns/local_story_080202940.html http://www.enewscourier.com/columns/local_story_080202940.html Remember when people not only locked their diaries, they hid them in their underwear drawers where surely no one except a meth-addicted robber or their moms were crazy enough to look?Too bad no one wants to keep their daily minutiae to themselves anymore. Fri, 14 Mar 2008 16:26:00 +0000 http://www.enewscourier.com/columns/local_story_074161508.html http://www.enewscourier.com/columns/local_story_074161508.html So interviewing Billy Bob Thornton in Florence, Ala., last week was no big deal. Shrug. Yawn.But should you run into our somewhat cynical photographer, Kim, who went with me, she might try to tell you otherwise.Do not believe her.