The News Courier in Athens, Alabama

Kelly Kazek

December 25, 2011

A single mom’s dream before Christmas

EAST LIMESTONE — Note: This column by Kelly Kazek was initially published Christmas Eve 2006 in The News Courier.

’Twas the week before Christmas, and all through the halls,

Nothing was ready for old Santa Claus;

Decorations lay scattered across the sofa and chairs

The cat sat on one, then flew through the air;

My kid wouldn’t help; she had plans, you see;

For outings and parties, but what about me?

When I did get invited, I have to confess,

I could not find a listing for the man named “Plus Guest”

So I maneuvered alone through the holiday mire

Unclogging the toilet with hooks and some wire;

Washing the clothes that were piled on the floor

In a stack so high it was blocking the door;

I dusted the shelves; I cleared away clutter

But one glance at the baseboards made me shudder;

Cat fur was nestled down in the cracks,

A table was marked with a telltale scratch;

I knew the trio who held the blame,

So I whistled and shouted and called them by name;

“Bad Luvey, bad Scout and you too, Mad Max,

Don’t think I don’t recognize your dirty paw tracks.”

They looked one-by-one, then slowly blinked,

Then laid down to get another 500 winks;

When finally the room was suitably clean,

I got ready to completely destroy it again;

I pulled out the lights from an old attic box

Mangled and tangled into masses of knots;

For six hours I worked to solve the riddle,

And found the problem was bubblegum stuck in the middle;

Then I borrowed a truck, and returned with a tree,

Hollered: “It’s time to decorate” enthusiastically;

“Can’t. Got a game,” the answer came back,

So I did it myself, with some help from Mad Max.

I flopped on the sofa, too tired to move,

And wondered why moms have so much to prove;

“I can’t do it all,” I yelled, sounding bitter;

“I wish, for one day, I had just me to consider.”

I was drifting to sleep, though my muscles were aching,

When I heard a soft tinkling like the sound of glass breaking;

Text Only
Kelly Kazek
  • kazek, kelly.jpg A relaxing nakation will melt away worries

    September 23, 2012 1 Photo

  • kazek, kelly.jpg Today's interactive column: What's your Bacon Number?

    Google has created a search engine that automatically calculates any actor’s “Bacon Number,” meaning how many connections it takes to link him or her to Kevin Bacon, á la the parlor game Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon.

    September 16, 2012 1 Photo

  • kazek, kelly.jpg Biography of Kelly Kazek

    Kelly Kazek was born in Warner Robins, Ga., in whichever year adds up to her being 35.

    November 8, 2011 1 Photo

  • kazek, kelly.jpg Warning: Get ready for the apawcalypse

    Humans are being cat-washed — and I don’t mean by little sandpapery tongues.

    September 2, 2012 1 Photo

  • kazek, kelly.jpg A wish for peace, perfect parking space

    August 26, 2012 1 Photo

  • kazek, kelly.jpg What? Like you’ve never glued a foot to the floor

    ... I don’t want you to get the wrong impression about me. I like men, especially Channing Tatum, and I don’t even care if he’s smart. So today, in the interest of fairness, I want to give equal space to Stupid Girl Tricks.

    August 19, 2012 1 Photo

  • kazek, kelly.jpg Fall of the South? Much ado about Honey Boo Boo

    It’s been 80 years since those living in the Great Depression focused on Shirley Temple to lift them from doldrums. In 2012, in the midst of the Great Recession ... Americans have a new bubbly, curly-headed icon to take their minds off their woes: Honey Boo Boo Child.

    August 12, 2012 3 Photos

  • kazek, kelly.jpg ‘Man aisle?’ What about a single mom aisle?

    I like to tell my peeps I don’t think all men are stupid. Just the ones who practically beg me to write about them like William Bonner of Augusta, Ga., who last week poured a shot of Bacardi 151 on his head and asked a friend to light it

    August 5, 2012 1 Photo

  • A girls’ guide to safe thong-wearing

    Yes, a pair of panties, which in my experience have always been non-violent, has joined the list of items mamas must warn children about: “You are not old enough for your own thong. You could put your eye out.”

    July 29, 2012

  • kazek, kelly.jpg Solutions for 'toe-besity,' bad mug shots

    I personally never worry about slimming down an area I can hide with a nice pair of Easy Spirits and instead concentrate on fat in places that could lead people to think I am pregnant … or a beached manatee … or a pregnant beached manatee.

    July 28, 2012 3 Photos


What is your favorite Easter candy?

Chocolate bunnies
Marshmallow chicks
Chocolate eggs with filling
     View Results
AP Video
Raw: More Than 100,000 Gather for Easter Sunday Raw: Greeks Celebrate Easter With "Rocket War" Police Question Captain, Crew on Ferry Disaster Raw: Orthodox Christians Observe Easter Rite Ceremony Marks 19th Anniversary of OKC Bombing Raw: Four French Journalists Freed From Syria Raw: Massive 7.2 Earthquake Rocks Mexico Captain of Sunken SKorean Ferry Arrested Raw: Fire Destroys 3 N.J. Beachfront Homes Raw: Pope Presides Over Good Friday Mass Raw: Space X Launches to Space Station Superheroes Descend on Capitol Mall Man Charged in Kansas City Highway Shootings Obama Awards Navy Football Trophy Anti-semitic Leaflets Posted in Eastern Ukraine Raw: Magnitude-7.2 Earthquake Shakes Mexico City Ceremony at MIT Remembers One of Boston's Finest Raw: Students Hurt in Colo. School Bus Crash Deadly Avalanche Sweeps Slopes of Mount Everest
Twitter Updates
Hyperlocal Search
Premier Guide
Find a business

Walking Fingers
Maps, Menus, Store hours, Coupons, and more...
Premier Guide

Click HERE to read all your Parade favorites including Hollywood Wire, Celebrity interviews and photo galleries, Food recipes and cooking tips, Games and lots more.
Business Marquee