AP — Even in a year when flashy holiday gift buying will likely be downplayed, many kids will still be focused on what's coming their way.,

But if you want to teach them this truly is supposed to be the season of giving, use your own actions to speak louder than words, says Clark University psychology professor Wendy Grolnick.

For example,helping your child gather used coats for donation to a homeless shelter can teach them more about their family's values than a dozen lectures on compassion ever could.

Early giving can make altruism a regular part of life, says Jan Cady, director of philanthropy at Children's Hospital of Boston. "It's like building muscle-memory in school-age kids that will last a lifetime."

How to get started:

Soul-searching via Internet

Check out Web sites like Idealist.org or 1-800Volunteer.org for searchable databases of volunteer opportunities. Or contact an organization, like the L.A.-based Century of Compassion, that connects local volunteers with causes that interest them.

You may find one that's a perfect fit, or you may see something that sparks an idea for a project your child can create on their own.

With young kids, you'll need to be the guide. But with older kids, discuss the type of giving they'd like to do. "Talk together about what would be meaningful," Grolnick says, "rather than saying, 'I found something for us to do. We're going to help at the soup kitchen.' ... Maybe the child will say, 'I'm really interested in helping kids who don't have a home.'"

The more involved a child is in choosing the type of giving, Grolnick says, the more they'll learn from the experience.

For a child, charitable giving "changes your whole perspective," says Emily Douglas, a 26-year-old graduate student.

At age 11, Douglas started a charity called "Grandma's Gifts." Fifteen years later, she has spearheaded the donation of more than $12 million in goods and services to families in Appalachia. She has never drawn a paycheck for the work. But "in school, in work, in everything I do," Douglas says, "it's helped me."