A friend of mine has shown exceptional talent performing extraordinary feats that could best be described as death defying, meaning so far only her mind’s been damaged.

Does she jump 12 school buses on a motorcycle?

Does she perform the half-pipe on a tricked-out skateboard?

Please.

Her sport is much more extreme: She is…Mother of Three Children under the Age of Four.

WARNING: DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME.

She is a professional Mother of Three. This is a woman who can juggle soccer matches, parent conferences, dangerously high fevers, public cries of “Mommy, will you wipe me?” and still show up at work most days.

She does not even break a sweat when she hears her 5-year-old daughter singing, "I like big butts and I cannot lie."

These feats performed by mere amateurs have been known to result in physical harm, such as waking to find your body covered in finger paint and a frozen pea shoved up your nose, or damage to property, including finding blue crayon melted into the new carpet or pieces of the minivan’s carburetor in the living room.

This is not a thing to undertake lightly.

As a Pro-MOT, my friend uses her PMS, Precognitive Mom Sense, which is a kind of Spidey sense that lets her know when any outside door to her home opens or a household pet is being coated in Elmer’s glue.

She also can tell, from two rooms away, which kid is attempting to eat chocolate ice cream for breakfast, just by the sound of the freezer door opening.

She has learned after many months of scientific observation and fact-gathering that answering the telephone causes a severe reaction in her children that requires immediate medical attention. They alert her by shouting, “Mommy, mommy,” tugging on her shirt hem and whimpering like Hillary Clinton after losing a primary.

This syndrome has stymied many an amateur mom but the Pro-MOT has spent a research grant and several seconds when she could have been napping to arrive at the best solution: Ignore them.

Even when their screaming reaches decibel levels that prevent you from hearing the person on the other end of the extension, even if the caller finally hangs up in frustration, DO NOT alter course.