Appeared May 18, 2008

Having a big brother teaches you early about the differences between males and females, important truths you will carry with you throughout life.

Since I was a kid and my big brother was knocked unconscious by a parked car, I knew guys would do anything to:

A) get an adrenaline rush;

B) get attention from girls;

C) not back down from a double-dog dare even it could potentially lead to, say, a concussion or loss of limb.

Guys have the philosophy: Act now, think later — and sometimes “later” means 20 or 30 years.

My brother’s incident occurred when, after a rare snow, he was sledding down a steep hill in a parking lot on a trash can lid, which are known for their aerodynamics but not necessarily safety features such as power steering and airbags. This, as any female would know, makes undertaking this activity inherently dangerous, and therefore idiotic.

Losing control of the lid, my brother slid beneath a parked car, smacking his head on its underside at a great rate of speed.

He lived, but for a few days his head was pretty sore and I think he wiped out sixth grade, but it turns out he didn’t need it anyway.

Among his friends, my brother was hailed a hero, a daredevil: the Evil Knieval of our cul-de-sac.

Men, I have learned, do not outgrow this.

Earlier this month in Vallejo, Calif., a guy was arrested for — remember, I would never lie to you — punching a camel.

The attack, according to the FoxNews.com report, was unprovoked.